It’s interesting as humans that we struggle with this concept of loving ourselves more.
And loving yourself has nothing to do with ego.
When we love, cherish and value ourselves, we take the time to live a healthier, more positive life.
Let’s face it – you deserve to be happy!
When you love yourself unconditionally, you take pride in what you have to offer. In relationships, in your work and friendships.
When you start negotiating your self-worth and accept less in relationships or your job, you are saying to yourself and the people around you that you don’t deserve any better.
If you don’t value yourself enough, you will always be attracted to people who don’t value you either.
Signs of Low Self-Worth
When we don’t love ourselves enough, here are some of the ways we compromise ourselves and our self-worth:
We don’t live in alignment with our core values – and suffer from feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety because we are not living by what’s most important to us.
We stay trapped in bad relationships and sabotage new relationships. We are afraid to tell people how we feel and what makes us happy.
We question what’s wrong with us – rather than accept that the relationship and person weren’t right for us.
You sell yourself short in a relationship and put up with behaviour that you know is unacceptable to keep a partner happy and interested.
You abandon parts of yourself to be in a relationship, including your friendships, hobbies, and things you like doing.
Don’t trust your judgement and gut feelings – you worry about being wrong.
Your needs take a backseat to everyone else’s – including diet, exercise, physical and emotional needs.
Why do we have Feelings of Low Self-Worth?
Our confidence and self-worth initially come from the relationship and caregiving we experienced with our parents during our formative years.
If we experienced dysfunctional relationships growing up or failed to get our needs met, we learned to not ask for the things we wanted because it would engender deep feelings of guilt or shame.
That in some way, we were unworthy of love, attention, and material things we wanted.
Childhood Influences & Friendships
Low self-esteem can also manifest from peer pressure and feeling like you don’t fit in, particularly when forming early friendships at school and through adulthood.
My earliest memory of not feeling good about myself was at the age of 12. I can remember the peer pressure to have the perfect body and not fitting in socially, particularly with the popular kids.
I was shy, tall for my age and self-conscious. Impressionable, vulnerable, fragile.
I felt the same in high school. Team Sports like basketball were my saving grace and helped me make some strong friendships. Being ‘smart’ but nerdy at school, I attracted similar like-minded friends to me.
We all knew we were not in the ‘popular’ group.
The feeling of not fitting in created insecurities around being rejected or not accepted for who I was as I went into adulthood.
The same can be true of love relationships that don’t work out.
Over time those negative life experiences and judgments of others influence our psyche and self-esteem. We can have a distorted view of feeling loveable and worry about our perceived shortcomings.
You start living a smaller version of yourself rather than living to your highest potential. You settle for second best rather than your highest goals, dreams, and hopes in relationships.
The Most Significant Relationship is the One You Have with Yourself
Know intrinsically at a Soul level that you are enough.
You are loveable and perfect just the way you are!
The past doesn’t define you, and you have the power in any given moment to change how you feel about yourself.
Decide what is going to make you happy.
Do not compromise your needs, values, or feelings.
Don’t ‘sell’ yourself to prove how worthy you are of a partner’s attention or love.
You are perfect just the way you are!
If a relationship doesn’t work out, shrug it off and move on. Don’t waste time on people who will not commit to you or stay in dead-end relationships going nowhere.
Find someone worthy of you and expect to be loved, valued, and appreciated.
Don’t compare yourself to others or worry about whether people will accept you. Be confident and just be yourself.
You have nothing to prove to anyone.
The people who resonate with you and who truly get you are the only ones you need.
And set healthy boundaries with the people in your life. Everyone is on a different path in life and responsible for themselves.
You don’t have to follow the same path or fit into some idea of what someone else thinks you should be.
Value and appreciate yourself always. Say kind things to yourself and tell yourself how beautiful you are!
Remind yourself daily of all your best features and qualities. And don’t forget to celebrate your achievements!
Forgive yourself quickly for the mistakes and any bad choices you make. Let it go and promise yourself to do better next time.
Trust your judgment and listen to your intuition, don’t ignore it. Make decisions based on what feels good for you.
Do what makes you happy!
And take the time to prioritize your emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing, including diet and exercise.
Because when you feel great, you show up in relationships and life so much better. Everything works better.
And permit yourself to have fun – because you are so worth it!
Much Love & Blessings, Rose Burnett
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